What Xbox.com Should Look Like
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EA's Madden Series to Become Michael Vick Football
Well it seems EA Sports ditched John Madden, the old guy who talks alot. They planned to use new announcers, but they now use a new game title. Since he probably is dead, the Madden series is being renamed to Michael Vick Football. Michael Vick is obviously the cover player, although he is not a big fan of videogames. Records show that the only game he plays is Nintendogs which he calls "a simulation". The game will be just like every other Madden game, exactly the same as the year before it. Michael Vick Football '09 is still extremely anticipated, as it is the only football franchise left.
"Chris Crocker and the Testicle of Doom" Coming To PS3 In May
This Eidos developed game is one to watch out for. You play as legendary Chris Crocker as he/she/it has to fight through a crowd of skimply dressed women who won't LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! There are 12 stages, each getting progressively less fun throughout the game. The sixaxis was originally used to control Chris' fire shooting penis, but devs later found out the penis was not visible or was nonexistent and the feature was scrapped. The game comes in 2 packages, the censored version for $59.99 and the "Little Sausages Fun Pack" for $69.99, which is uncensored. Jack Thompson recently said "Why don't you just molest children directly rather than through Rockstar. It would be more personal that way." This is what developer Eidos is pretty much attempting to do, molest your children. This game could change gaming as we know it, because we have never had a game with a character who sucks so much cock. Except maybe Rengoku. That game sucked major dick.
Note: We do not hate gay people. We hate Chris Crocker. There is a difference.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc
PS3 Sales In U.S. Headed for Rapid Decline?
This chart was taken off VGChartz, and wasn't really modified at all pretty much. PS3 is doomed in America unless Betamax comes back. Nuff said.
PSP Redesign Leaked?
We got this from a Missouri K-Mart ad, confirming Sony has planned a redesign to the PSP called the Slim and Lite and Small. We have no word on pricing yet. It looks like besides the fact the unit is half the size, the analog stick, square button, triangle button, and circle button have been removed, but an antenna was added for more location free support. Also, the screen is still widescreen and the resolution is the same, but you must turn the unit to the side at all times while using it because all game images will appear sideways. Innovation at it's best.
PETITION: 100,000 STRONG AGAINST SONY DEFENSE FORCE
The site known as sonydefenseforce.com is full of lies. It is a horrible site that sucks a large amount of cock and then lies about it. They gave Bioshock for 360 a 5/10 and Lair a perfect score! SIGN THE PETITION NOW TO TAKE ACTION!!!
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/SDFsuckscock/
CONFIRMED: MGS COMING TO 360!!!
According to Nintendo Power, Sony's Metal Gear Solid hit game is definitely coming to Microsoft Xbox 360 this summer. However, This is not MGS4, for the demand for that game was far to low. Instead, Metal Gear Solid 1 for PS1 is being ported for 360. Due to the fact PS1 used CD technology and 360 only uses DVDs, MGS will come on 6 dual layer DVDs. The game will retail for $59.99, but a Legendary Edition has been announced for $129.99. The Legendary Edition comes with a disembodied walrus head that is wearing a replica of Solid Snake's eye patch. It also comes with a knife like the one Solid Snake used, so you can try all his kick-ass moves on your friends. We expect the game to be this summer's hottest seller if Lego Racers 3 doesn't come out.
UPDATE: There has been doubt to the reliability of this story. I can assure you this story came from the most reliable imaginary best friend I have. I also put an Xbox 360 logo in the corner of the picture to eliminate any doubt it is fake. Look it's a 360 logo, it has to be on 360!
Bill Cosby Unlockable Hidden Character In SSB: Brawl
That's right folks, if you play through every character's story 479 times after unlocking the nude cheat, then you will be able to play as the one and only Bill Cosby. He takes double the damage of every other character, but he can deploy a hilarous joke about fat kids at anytime during gameplay by swinging the Wiimote in a complete circle. You really have to unlock this character, he is quite possibly the only reason to own the game.
5 Easy Super Smash Brothers Brawl Strategies Guaranteed To Make You Win Every Match
After playing Super Smash Brothers Brawl for awhile, we discovered that you can defeat ANYONE in Wii's best fighting game with these 5 simple strategies.
1. While playing against your opponent using his TV, wait 'til you are ahead then throw your Wiimote at the TV while in the middle of the preferrably timed match. You need to put some muscle in it, the screen must crack. Blame it on a faulty wrist-strap, and watch as your opponent cries in agony. Whether he is crying about you winning or the 4,000$ LCD HDTV his family saved up for, you won and that is all that matters.
2. Get naked. Take off your clothes as fast as possible. The opponent's concentration may fall rapidly. Works better if you are fat.
3. Unplug your opponent's controller if he/she is using a wired GameCube controller. If he asks you why his controller is unplugged, blame it on the wind. If he asks about wind being indoors, blame it on global warming. Nobody questions global warming.
4. Start a time match set for 10 minutes, start playing for a few minutes. Randomly break out in a fake epileptic seizure. DO NOT LET GO OF THE WIIMOTE. When your opponent calls 911 and the ambulance takes you to the hospital, keep holding the Wiimote. At hospital arrival, hold the Wiimote in the air and brag how you just won, because your friend put the Wiimote down to call 911 for you and the match should be over. He forfeited, and quitters are never tolerated. You win once again, give yourself a pat on the back.
5. Eat beans. Fart. Nuff said.
All these strategies work very well, you just can't lose. Have fun and remember, there is never a such thing as a good loser.
Epic's Unreal Engine is a Piece of Crap
EPIC Games is well known for their hit game Gears of War, but they also license out the rights to use their Unreal Engine 3 to other developers. Unfortunately after paying $55 billion for the rights to the engine, many developers are finding that it "sucks a wet fart out of a fat chick's stinky ass" to quote Albert Einstien.
The first company that realized this was Silicon Knights who have been working on a game called Too Human for like 18 years. They recently sued Epic Games because nobody bought their crappy game and they wanted to blame the shitty Unreal 3 engine for it. Silicon Knights claims that certain assets of the engine are being withheld from them. What are they referring to exactly?
...Epic's Legendary Pubic Hair Pixel Shader Model 3.67
We recently contacted Epic, hoping they would enlighten us on why they are keeping it for themselves. Only after threatening CliffyB with a real chainsaw we got some answers.
GamePlop - "Why are you keeping the Legendary Pubic Hair Pixel Shader Model 3.67 for yourselves?"
CliffyB - "Well, Gears of war 2 is gonna raise the fucking bar man."
GamePlop - "Care to elaborate?"
CliffyB - "No."
GamePlop - "Are you sure?" *revs chainsaw*
CliffyB - "Ok ok, its for the ultra amazing shower scene with Marcus and Dom..WE ARE BRINING UNPRECEDENTED LEVEL OF DETAIL HERE, and those fuckers making Too Human aren't going to get shit from us.
You are gonna see everything in 1080p, its uber hot"
GamePlop -"KTHXBYE"
Is this the first lawsuit to come against Epic for their Unreal Engine 3, only time will tell, after all the only good looking game using the engine is Hour of Victory.
We here at GamePlop are also looking forward to Gears of War 2 even more after this interview.
Jack Thompson Killed By GTA Truck
At approximately 8:20am this morning Jack Thompson was hit by a GTA IV Rockstar Games delivery truck and has passed away. He was pronounced dead on the scene. Jack Thompson will not respawn. We suspect the driver was using cheats. Everybody mourns his death, and we no longer have anybody to be a total dickpotato about every fun game we own. Nobody to be a cuntwagon and try to censor every amazing piece of creative design. And finally nobody to be a total cockblock when we just want to see some good 'ol pixelated boobs. We can't believe this tragic event happened.
RIP Jack, we will miss you. JK.
Jack Thompson
Born July 25, 1951, Died like 8:20am, 2008
Which Console Is Worst?
We here at GamePlop are going to now make an unbiased decision about which recent home console is the worst. Now we don't jump to conclusions, so sit and you can see what the truth is. WII SUCKS A PENIS BECAUSE EVERYONE WHO PLAYS IT IS FAT AND SMELLS LIKE POOP. WHO NAMES A CONSOLE WII? I NAMED MY PENIS WII 14 YEARS AGO. WII IS THE MOST PENISEY NAME EVER. IF MY UNCLE ASKED ME TO PLAY WITH HIS WII, I WOULD CALL THE COPS AND CUT HIS DICK OFF AND THROW IT OFF INTO THE HORIZON. IT IS MEDICALLY PROVEN THAT IF YOU PLAY WII YOU ARE 500% MORE CECEPTIBLE TO AIDS BECAUSE WHEN YOU ARE PLAYING WITH WII YOU ARE SUCKING A BIG COCK AND COCKS ARE THE NUMBER 1 CAUSE OF AIDS. I'M FUCKING SICK OF PLAYING CHICKEN SHOOT OVER AND FUCKING OVER, I WOULD MUCH RATHER GO OUT AND SHOOT A REAL CHICKEN. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WIIMOTE ANYWAY? ANYONE COULDA THOUGHT OF PUTTING LIKE 4 FUCKING BUTTONS ON A WHITE DILDO. THE BUTTONS MAKE IT EVEN MORE UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN I USED IT AS A DILDO. WII IS ALSO LIKE A PENTIUM 1 WITH THE GRAPHICS OF A GAMEBOY COLOR. THIS IS REAL SPECS, I GOT IT OFF OF THE NINTENDO SITE. XBOX 360 AND PS3 ARE SO MUCH BETTER BECAUSE THEY CAN PROCESS GRAPHICS AT A RATE OF THE OPPOSITE OF HAVING A GIANT COCK IN YOUR MOUTH. SOME LIKE FUCKING KID CAME UP TO ME AND WAS LIKE "LOOK AT ME, IM A COCK SUCKER AND IM PLAYING WII BOXING!" AND I WAS LIKE "HEY COCK-WAGON, WHY NOT BOX IN REAL LIFE" AND I PUNCHED HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE AND HIS HEAD FELL OFF BUT HE DIED RIGHT BEFORE THAT BECAUSE HE GOT AIDS FROM HIS DAD'S WII. FUCK THE WII AND PRAISE CAPS-LOCK. Thank you for reading our review, we are proud we can make a civilized review with the most accurate details you will ever find, because we hear GameSpot's reviews are PENIS LICKIN' GOOD.
Valve Shutting Down? EDIT:CONFIRMED!
You heard it right. Inside sources tell us that Valve is going to close by mid-April due to declining Counter Strike 1.6 sales. Counter Strike 1.6 has not been selling well, especially due to the fact there are competitiors such as Counter Strike: Source destroying it. I only got 1$ on ebay for my semen encrusted copy of Counter Strike 1.6 on eBay, which immediately led us to believe Valve is going down. We expect Valve to sue the creators of that bullshit game Counter Strike: Source for copyright infringement. If we let Valve go under, I'm afraid terrorists win.
EDIT: Valve is shutting down. A rep came over(we used a fish beanie baby because the real reps were busy) and I had a long talk with him. He confirmed Valve will soon be no more. It's a sad, sad world.
