We officially have word that Rockstar delayed GTA IV yet another time. There were issues getting the game to run on PS3 due to the lack of RAM in the power supply. They are trying to make it so you can kill more then one hooker at a time, because if you couldn't then the game would be useless like Gangs of London. Currently only 1 complete hooker can appear onscreen, but a second hooker with only one rendered boob can also appear. This seriously cripples gameplay. Speaking of cripples, you can also beat them down with a wood plank in a new survival mode. The game is scheduled to come out in November 2009, most likely after the release of GTA V. Oh and hot coffee is just the beggining. They call it cold bagel. By delaying the game, Rockstar also has a chance to work on their new game Manhunt Table Tennis, where you play table tennis with bloody knives, grenades, and disembodied heads leftover from the 1700s. Oh well, I don't think anybody wanted GTA IV anyway, because Lego Racers 3 could be right around the corner.

3:25 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

Mass Effect, Microsoft's epic Sci-Fi Action RPG is one of the most offensive games that I have played in my life time.

I thought this game was about traveling the galaxy and inserting your penis into random blue aliens. Instead I was deeply disheartened when I played the game for hours and saw no alien sex whatsoever.

After awhile I began to think that the copy I had purchased from Gamestop was defective. I promptly headed back to the store and explained my situation to the sales clerk.

Me "Excuse me I would like a new copy of Mass Effect.."
Employee "Is something wrong with yours?, is it scratched?"
Me -"It may as well be, I haven't gotten any alien ass in this piece of shit.."
Employee- "What?"
Me -"You fucking heard me asshole, give me a new copy"
Employee-"There is a small sex scene near the end of the game but there isn't any nudity"
Me - "WHAT?"
Employee - "Sir I can't help you, this isn't a valid reason to return the game and you didn't even purchase a warranty on the game"

I walked out of the game store when everyone began to laugh uncontrollably for some odd reason..

This game had serious potential, it could have competed with the greats like BMX XXX, The Guy Game and Leisure Suit Larry..3 of my all time favorite video games. But instead we are given a game with a "Story line and multi-layered dialog" what a disgrace.

2:18 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

After the failure of every movie Uwe Boll ever made, the brilliant film-maker is at it again, with his recently announced Tetris movie. It is an action/horror/puzzle movie, one of the first of it's kind. The budget for the movie is nearly 200 million, a little bit more then the original Matrix movie. Angelina Jolie is supposed to play the square block, one of the lead roles in the movie. The L-block was supposed to be played by Jamie Lynn Spears, but I heard they need to reconsider because she no longer fits in the costume. The other actors have not been announced yet. The movie is planned to come out in theaters this November, but I doubt anybody plans to even illegally download it for free. Without further ado, here is the long awaited interview:
GamePlop: What possessed you to make this movie?
Boll: As a child, I always enjoyed Tetris. And penises. There are many movies with penises in them, but not many about Tetris, and this inspired me.
GamePlop: Being that all your previous movies were a collosal failure, how did you get all the funding for Tetris?
Boll: I sold my child.
GamePlop: How do you feel about people making fun of the upcoming movie?
Boll: It's mean. I just want some friends. I mean c'mon?
GamePlop: Okay, well can you describe the Tetris movie experience?
Boll: It is going to be orgasmic. It's like that feeling you got when you first played Tetris, but better because you are watching it. You get the excitement of watching somebody else play your favorite game, and paying a fair price for it too.
GamePlop: Well thank you for your time, we want to end this interview early because we can't continue our interview while you have that cock in your mouth. We look forward to Tetris.
Uwe: AHRGRHRGHRGRHRGH...gulp.

1:37 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

God of War: Chains of Olympus is the most anticipated videogame since the start of its development 18 years ago. Does it live up to the hype? NO. This game is terrible. Being that I am a fan of previous God of War installments, I have to say the new gameplay formula is completely horrible. The levels are also HORRIBLY dark. However, the game opens with an amazing set piece that gets things moving right away. You play as Kratos Estacado, a New York-based mob hit man on his 21st birthday, and you've just woken up in the back of a speeding convertible. A money-collection deal has gone wrong, your two buddies are attempting to get away from crooked cops, and you apparently got knocked out somewhere along the way. As you're speeding along to a construction site to take out the foreman, you're tossed a chain with 2 useless blades on it to help defend the car from incoming fire. Some douchebag named Ares comes and like pees all over you and then the car crashes. After the car crashes, you exit the New York Subway and go upstairs. You are in Greece, and you must do some dumb temple stuff to see your bff jill who was killed because of your powers. She is dead, so Kratos realizes he will never see her. Kratos casts himself off the nearest cliff and thus the start of God of War I. The story is fine, but the graphics is where the game sucks. Much better graphics can be seen in games like Crysis, so why play GOW? The games graphics are comparable to pong. The gameplay is not as good as the previous GOW formula and the game is essentially just another Space Invaders clone. The sound is the only good part of the game, although the only song in it is Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. And the replay value...ugh...the game is 15 minutes long and deactivates after you beat it. Overall I would not recommend this game to anybody who enjoys amazing games like E.T. for Atari 2600. I expected much more from this game, but I didn't get it.

Total Score: 2/10*

Note: We test and play every game we review to completion, and we would never review a game without beating it. Honesty is the key value at this site. We may have actually never physically played God of War: Chains of Olympus, but spiritually...we beat the game 17 times.

*Score is calculated by using a special advanced method. This is the formula we used to calculate the score for this game:
[(Score the game deserves) - (Score the game deserves)] + (Random number from 1 to 10 generated by the random number function on my TI-83) = Total Score

4:29 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

Sony is a company known for offering different choices so every gamer gets what they want for a fair price. Just after they announced the 80gb MGS4 bundle for $499.99, Sony had anounced an even newer bundle. Starting March 27th in Europe only, the new bundle includes a 10gb PS3, Dukes of Hazard: Racing for Home for PS1, and 5 HD-DVDs of your choice. You can only choose HD-DVDs that start with a C and end with a vowel. Casablanca is a popular choice being that it may be the only HD-DVD to fit that description.

The new Ps3 only has one USB port, lacks wireless networking and backwards compatibility, but an MMC slot has been added. Sony calls it the "FUNdle Bundle" and it is the best PS3 experience you can get. It goes on sale for $599 and will be sold at all major European retailers.

3:12 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

Okay, okay, I know some of you guys might feel regretful for buying HD-DVD players, but trust me it was a good move. HD-DVD is far from dead and will comeback and defeat Blu-Ray within the next few months. Toshiba did not abandon the format, that was just a little joke played by some Toshiba reps. Here are the reasons HD-DVD is superior and will win the format war:

1. HD-DVD is just plain better. Do you know what the HD stands for? HIGH DEF!!! HD-DVD is high definition, which is simply amazing, there is nothing out there quite like it. HD-DVD has a player that can be hooked to an Xbox 360 so you don't need 10 million devices sitting on your TV stand. Having a game console that can play high def movies is amazing, I wish other companies other then Microsoft were smart enough to pick up on it. Also, Blu-Ray players need to be plugged in to operate. That is a major inconvenience, nearly 2 people worldwide die each year tripping over wires. You could be one of them.

2. Global Warming
Blu-Ray players use electricity that provides heat. Warming is caused by heat. Thus, global warming. How can you watch HD porn when you know that you are killing millions of people every second you are watching?

3. It isn't going to die anytime soon
HD-DVD has stronger sales then every TV ever sold combined. More people have HD-DVD players then actual TVs. If for some reason HD-DVD does die, we can always bring it back to life. Jesus came back to life, so why can't HD-DVD?

In conclusion, HD-DVD is really shaping up and I would suggest you purchase one. It is going to be a great success, and there is a place for it right next to my BetaMax player and my Nokia N-gage. I have never experienced anything like it.

http://www.thelookandsoundofperfect.com/

12:18 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

Months after Halo 3's release Bungie released the first autoupdate for the game last week, the update "fixed" a few issues, most notably the melee system which had been subject to much criticism.

But it seems Bungie is not satisfied. They are now implementing a new system which will attempt to GUESS if the player is going to melee or not, the technology was developed by NASA during the first World War. Bungie insists that the re-re balancing of the melee system will create an experience that is fair for all players except ones with below T1 connections.

The second autoupdate also includes significant changes to the Matchmaking System, including a new mode called "Big Team Ranked Plasma Pistols", the game type throws 16 players into the Sandtrap level armed with only a plasma pistol, the vehicles have been entirely removed from the level.

Bungie has also bumped up Halo 3's resolution to an astounding 685.535p, brought to you by technology that was 3 years in the making at Bungie studios.

4:20 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

Phil Harrison was discovered to have quit Sony Entertainment of America due to the fact he is pregnant and is bringing a new child into this world. Kaz Hirai has taken Harrison's place, and also helped name Harrison's new baby. The scans show it is a boy, and will be named Ridge Racer. He plans to raise the child entirely in PS home with husband Hilary Clinton. "I really just want to spend time with my new family, I want to watch my child grow up every step of the way. I feel like Jamie Lynn Spears, but not like 13 years old." said Harrison in his super secret interview. Sony kept this news extremely secret, so secret that nobody knows about it except us. Don't tell anyone, you don't want Jak and Daxter coming to your door with a colt 45 do you?

4:01 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

Microsoft was certainly surprised when EA offered to buy the multibillion dollar company for 8 million dollars after they recently failed to aquire Take Two. For the offer EA sent a rep in an EA branded Sonic the Hedgehog costume, further disregarding copyright laws. The company also told Microsoft that their branch would be able to keep the Microsoft name, but Windows Vista would be renamed to "EA Sports Goes BIG" and would have to have all Windows logos replaced with giant penises with the EA logo on the right testicle. Microsoft threatened to sue and EA declines to comment at this time.

3:43 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz

Monday Feb. 25, 2008
Welcome to GamePlop, where there is the most reliable unbiased news around. We are so unbiased that we frown apon anyone who has even slight bias, and then we will have extreme bias against them, making us extremely unbiased. When we write reviews, we will automatically give any Barbie branded game a 4 out of 10, because playing through it would be biased to Al Queda. We will also give every game made by Sony Online Entertainment a 10% lower score then it deserves, just to show that life is arbitrary and unfair. Sorry Baldur's Gate, you probably sucked anyway. Well now you can enjoy GamePlop, because it's as if game news plops out of the sky, just like that one time in Panama where it rained actual poop for 11 days straight.

3:39 PM
Categories: Author: gotsmartz